When does it get easier?

Poor Nathan. He got extubated today. He was doing well for a little bit. However, he just couldn't do it past 4 hours. It was so hard to see him struggle. He was a horrible blue/gray color. He was working so hard. He kept coughing but couldn't clear anything. The medical team did everything they could to try and keep him extubated, it just wasn't enough in the end.

After he got re-intubated, they contacted the surgeon and cardiologists. The team is concerned that he failed so quickly again. They want to contact the ENT (ear, nose, and throat) docs. They think that he might have tracheal malacia or that his heart is so big that it may be compressing his airway. I don't know whether I believe these speculations or not. He has never struggled with this stuff with the past surgeries.  However, I guess they have to find a reason as to why he is struggling so much. They think that all of the combined problems this time may have exacerbated a problem that has always been there (i.e., tracheal malacia). So, the next step will be to have a CT scan bronchoscopy. This is where they take a scope and view the inside of his airway tract to make sure that there aren't any issues. Pfft, I just can't stand all of this. We are starting to feel like this is a never-ending dark hole that we are falling through.

After all of this happened, we left to go get some food. We couldn't even go back to the hospital because we are so depressed about everything. In the back of my head I can hear people saying, 'Don't worry, things will get better' or 'Have faith, God will heal him' or something along these lines. Well, I do have faith in God. It isn't that I don't trust that He can heal all things and create miracles. What I'm most afraid of is that Nathan is going to be tortured over and over again, and what if he isn't going to make it through all of this? It is terrifying to think, but it is in the back of my head. All I want, more than anything, is to see this little boy heal, get better, come home, and grow to be an old man. I pray that God agrees with my vision.